Resolutions

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I am so excited about all the nice responses to sending out our blog! It was great to hear from all of you - I feel more connected already. :) I got to see Christa's and Daniel's blog (I think that is the grammatically correct arrangement, but it sounds funny, doesn't it?), and I found myself feeling a twinge of jealousy. Which was kind of odd, because I am very happy with my life right now - I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, my own home and two cats - what more could I want?
Maybe jealousy is the wrong word. You know that aching feeling when you see someone else's situation and know the happiness that it brings? There is genuine empathetic happiness for that person, but also an undercurrent of "I want that too". I am achingly happy for Christa, who is newly married, setting up house and studying Classics. Now, I am very happy with my marriage, and I have a house, and I don't like Greek - so where is the ache? First, I want to go back to school (Hebrew is my language of choice), and second, my house is not the nest of comfort that I would like it to be. Reflecting on those things, I realize that taking care of Naomi trumps Hebrew for the moment (and I don't mind that at all, really) - and there is no reason why my home can't be the way I want it to be. So those are my resolutions (I didn't make any on New Year's Day): to keep my brain working while mothering Naomi, and to arrange my home so that I am happy with it. The home arrangement will be the challenge for me - the main reason it is not the way I want right now is because I am a pack-rat, and everything has sentimental value. So every room is full of stuff, baskets and piles tucked in every corner, every surface covered with several somethings. Then when life's normal clutter comes, it seems like chaos because there is no space left at all. There is just so much stuff!! My problem is that it is not just material things - every item has a memory attached, some special meaning or significance, or I feel that it says something about me, some aspect of my personality and preferences. Any one thing by itself is hard to eliminate - but the cumulative effect is confusing, and the meaning or significance gets lost in the clutter. So I resolve to get organized, streamline and "de-clutter". Wish me luck!!